I didn't yet know that a dear friend of mine had passed into Eternity. I had only just learned a few weeks before that he was ill, and that knowledge had barely sunk in when I had the news he was gone. I found out last Saturday evening. It was better for him this way, that he went so quickly and didn't linger. Pancreatic cancer is incurable, and is one of the worst cancers, pain-wise. So, I am thankful that he is gone, for his sake.
We did not get to talk often, but we did send e-mails now and then. and when I first began recording music last year, he was one of the first people I trusted to hear what I'd been up to. He gave me a lot of positive feedback and some suggestions for how to improve things. He let me know I did not, in fact, suck.
If not for this man, I most likely would not even know who Grant Hart is, much less be able to call him a friend. I would never have met Grant, and without that meeting, I might never have picked up a guitar again, and I certainly never would have written any songs.
I owe this man a lot, even though we didn't see each other often, or speak to each other often, or even e-mail each other that often. Yet he was dear to me, and it was a comfort to know I could reach out and receive a kindly response.
Thinking of him yesterday, I picked up my guitar to noodle around a bit -- an activity of which he would have wholeheartedly approved -- and after a bit, words began coming to me. First a refrain, and then one verse, and then another, and another. I did some minor editing of the text, so it would fit into the song better, and tried several times to lay down a good study copy. That was hard to do, because my own words were making me choke up. It took awhile to get that start-to-finish take. I enhanced it a little with my music editing program, so it wouldn't be quite so in-your-face-naked, and have posted it on my website, so anyone who feels like checking it out is welcome to. There will be a better version at some point, with multiple guitar tracks and harmony and perhaps even a melody instrument and/or a drum. I do want this to be, in time, something that would make my friend feel proud to have inspired. I suppose just writing and recording this first version puts me part way there, and furthermore, I think this man had a spiritual hand in it. Seems he's been going 'round making a lot of visits to various people, and I feel honored knowing I was one of them.
Click on the link to enjoy the song, or just scroll past it and read the words. Or do both. In any case, I hope it moves you in some way.
I will always miss you, "Magnus," and hope someday we might meet again.
If I knew then what I know now,
What might I have said?
What might I have changed,
If I knew then what I know now?
Would knowledge have made a difference?
Would I have talked with you longer
On that warm October day when kindness
Had driven me to tears?
Ashamed of my emotion,
I chose not to speak too long.
Thought there'd be time later
Some other day in the future.
If I knew then what I know now,
What might I have said?
What might I have changed,
If I knew then what I know now?
Death comes to all of us;
Sooner for some, later for others.
Life's too often snuffed
In the midst of creation.
The pen halts in mid-stroke,
The guitar falls silent
As Death takes your hand
And you follow.
If I knew then what I know now,
What might I have said?
What might I have changed,
If I knew then what I know now?
So hard to believe you're gone
And I'll not see you again,
Or hear your voice
Sharing thoughts about music.
Recordings are no substitute
For a living, breathing person,
But they'll have to do for now,
'Til the day we meet
On that distant shore.
If I knew then what I know now,
What might I have said?
What might I have changed,
If I knew then what I know now?
CP Warner
23 June 2011
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